Have you ever find yourself deeply taken in a discussion?
How did the discussion ended?
Did you successfully change the other person’s opinion? Or just simply screamed against him and he did the same with you until arriving to a break point where or everybody are tired to discuss so everybody remains of their own opinion or worse someone makes the first step for a fight?
What Happened To Me Few Days Ago
Few days ago I was in a bar fl3xing in the centre of Pisa.
I was with some old friends of mine, not my best but anyway just friends in a good relationship.
It’s been a month more or less since I started to draw (here you can find some of the works I’ve done so far) and talking I discovered that one of the people with me at the bar sometimes draws as well.
After a while since we started to talk about drawings, favorites and exchanging personal works he said that his style is to draw with […].
Then I replied that in my opinion is wrong talk about personal style because we are not enough good yet.
He continued to say that was it’s own style, he does it in that way and blablabla.
I replied that what we do and how we do it now is the expression of our comfort zone of drawing and not a chosen style.
What do you think that happened?
Do you think he said “Yes, you’re right! I’ve done at most 15 drawings in all my life and maybe It’s too early to talk about style”?
He didn’t. He continued to argue that blablabla, that was it’s style and blablabla […]
So I replied, with a very sophisticated body language reaction that communicates having changed opinion and realized what he just said, “Ok ok”.
You Can’t Win An Argument
The first human natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive and so to continue to find arguments to support our opinion without neither let the other person finish to talk nor to try to imagine to see things from another point of view.
Remaining defensive and discussing heavily about an argument is something that feds our ego that wants to be right at all costs and that drives our behavior in a non-productive way.
Even though you won the discussion in some way, he could result to be even more defensive in his way of thinking or act and despite you are right, the result of the discussion has been to put him in a condition to associate the thoughts you expressed to something he hates and would never do for nothing at all.
Instead of continue to express what I thought, what I could have done and I haven’t, would be trying to explain my opinion through his point of view, letting him stay in his way to see things but changing its perspective.
- See things from the other person point of view
- Be disposable to accept different ways to see things
- Don’t fall in the discussion trap wanting at all costs to be right
See you next Sunday with my next article, Marco :&
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